This family paid that price in March. Dee “Piston” Imlay a fighter pilot for the 391st Bold Tigers died March 28th while serving his country in Operation Enduring Freedom.

I was asked, and it was with great honor, that I had the opportunity to photograph this hero’s memorial…not just to be able to provide these photos for his family but to hear about this giant of a man. I will never do justice in this blog restating the words spoken in love by his family and friends, I can only say that I left feeling like this world had lost a tremendously good person who was tremendously loved by many…by his fellow aircrew, by the entire base, the Mt. Home Community, our nation, and above all tremendously loved by his family and friends. I got to hear about Piston the fighter pilot, Dee the husband, brother, son, athlete, friend, and about this man as one amazing dad. I looked at gigantic American flag hung in his honor and saw it as the most visual representation of the enormous loss felt by this community…and still, it didn’t do justice.

“And can it be that in a world so full and busy the loss of one creature makes a void so wide and deep that nothing but the width and depth of eternity can fill it up!” ~Charles Dickens

Dee “Piston” Imlay left behind a beautiful family, if you are compelled to donate to his children’s 529 plan, please contact me. I ask that you remember them in your prayers and never forget the many soldiers and aircrew, dads, moms, brothers, sisters, friends, and patriots who are still serving our country, making sacrifices every day that we can’t even fathom.

I sat him on the front porch and told him he could do whatever he wanted to to do for the pictures….

 That’s my Luke!

Last fall I had the privilege of spending a couple of hours with Melinda and her family taking their photos downtown and one of her favorite spots, Tablerock. I instantly fell in love with this family, it is impossible not to, as they are a family full of love that extends outward.

Last month I was told her treatment options for her cancer had run out and was invited into her friends’ online forum. I was so moved by this invitation as I read some Melinda’s personal posts and well wishes by her friends, I saw what a truly remarkable woman she is. Melinda chose to not be defeated however and opened her heart and home to her friends, and whoever wanted to come, for what she called “Circle of Friends” a time to talk opening about  what her experience had allowed her to uncover about herself and her faith and “her wonderful blessed life.” I was extended an invitation to come, and although I hardly knew her and had doubts about my place, I wanted to see her once again. I am so glad I did.

It was the most moving experience of friendship and love, I think I have ever experienced. Peace transcended fear…hope and love prevailed. The only way to describe that hour comes to mind from some of my favorite biblical verses…God’s word was present in that room.

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me – put into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” ~Philipians 4: 4-9

Melinda embodied this, not just in her final moments, but from what I learned about her from her memorial service, she embodied this throughout her life. Again, unsure about whether it was appropriate for me to go, I attended her memorial. I left feeling like I had missed out on a really remarkable woman and friend. But I didn’t miss out, I believe God brought her into my life for just these few hours for a reason. I am a changed person because of Melinda…I desire to be a better person because of Melinda. And although I have always had faith, the peace I felt in that room during her circle of friends was a peace that can only come from God…I no longer fear death. Okay, I may not be attempting a flip on the wake-board this summer but I can assure you any time I spend out on the boat with my family will be a cherished gift. And I know, that whatever life throws my way I live in the presence of a God who loves me and will carry me through the dark times. That His word is a promise and it’s real…I know this because I felt it.

And because I believe a gift is best when shared, here is some wisdom from Melinda:

Opening another door of Happiness!

posted by Melinda Cobbley, Monday, November 28, 2011, 3:45 PM

I love photography. LOVE it. I love my families…and when I say “my families” I mean you, the people who bare yourselves to me and let me capture your lives. But I have found that even after the crazy season, I am still crazy busy…which is so flattering to me. I get calls daily for work, am booked until June and have several great events coming up this summer. I have tons of ideas about how I want to run my business, new referral programs, ideas for a new website, ways to improve both my customer experience and also the final product, but no time to invest in these improvements. It’s exciting and I can easily become consumed with it….because I love it. But I have to wave the white flag now….call a “time out.” Because as much as I love my business I love my life as a mom, more.

Life is beautiful…it is also short and I am spending more time in front of my computer than with this precious boy who will be starting school next year. “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.” ~ Ecclesiastes 3:1. I have had that nagging feeling…you know the one, the one that is telling you to do something you don’t want to do. Some call it your self-conscious, or intuition, others, like myself believe its the Holy Spirit…the voice inside that says, this is right…this is wrong. The right thing for me to do, right now, in this time is to make this guy, and his brother and his father my priority. To put business on the backburner for a bit and shift my focus to my family. That said, I will not be accepting any more photography opportunites, paid or volunteer, until after the summer break. I am already booked through May and have several commitments, weddings, family reunions, First Holy Communions, etc…that I have every intention of keeping. The rest of my time will be spent enjoying my summer with my boys. I know you, my friends, understand…and that is why I love you so very much.

Okay, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way. Let’s get on with some techniques you can use to elicit real smiles from children. If you have children or if you just enjoy photographing them you have probably encountered the fake smile. Starting around the age of 5 I have noticed with my own two boys and with the hundreds of children I have photographed, that children have become aware of their smile. It is no longer spontaneous; it’s fixed the way they have imagined it needs to be based on how it feels and it often looks something like this:

I have been on countless photo-shoots where a boy or girls is displaying this smile, only to hear their mom say; “No, not that smile…your real smile, do your real smile.” It’s confusing because now, what might feel right is suddenly wrong, they’re not being asked to say “CHEESE!” they have no direction and so that smile becomes even phonier. Then to top it off there is confusion in the child’s eyes and the makings of really bad photos. The parents are frustrated and all of a sudden this photo session has become a torture session.

So what do we do? How do we combat the phony if we can’t count on the old fallback of “CHEEEESE!” We stop worrying about the smile. Take it out of the equation all together. Don’t even mention it. If you are taking your kids to a photo session, please don’t prep them the entire day to give the photographer their best smile (which means the smile they think they are supposed to give isn’t quite right). There is too much emphasis on the smile and too much pressure on the kids. I don’t know of anyone who could smile naturally under those circumstances.

Whether you are photographing your own kids (which I’ve done both and believe this to be harder) or you have been hired to photograph someone else’s kids, do the best you can to take the focus (so to speak) off of the smile and put it on having fun. I should probably put the disclaimer here that I am a lifestyle photographer and a very candid one at that…the more I can get people to focus on something else and less on me, the better results I see. That said, my techniques may be very different than a portrait photographer. Either way, neither of us would ever employ the “C” word.

To elicit natural smiles during a session the first thing I do is find a great place to sit down and get to know him…which is always the location with the best light. Then depending on the age, and personality of the child, I start talking to him. At least for the first few minutes, I keep the camera away from my face; I may try to shoot a few shots from the hip. If they work, then I will try to take the majority of shots with the camera away from my face. If not, then I will bring the camera up, take a few shots and lower it down. All while staying engaged in conversation. I’ll let him know I am interested in who he is and what his interests are. I’ll show him a photo or two as I take them. As a photographer, I have to anticipate when he’ll be most expressive. I’ll ask him to talk to me about sports or a few of his favorite things, and as he ponders usually with a smile, I’ll get the shot. Next, “do you know any good jokes?” Most kids will smile just before the punch line…or while I am laughing hysterically at their very funny joke. It’s a constant dialogue of me being interested in them. When a family is together I ask them questions about each other. What is your mom’s favorite thing to do on a Saturday morning? This gets a family engaged with and focused on each other, smiling in anticipation of the answer…curious. Suddenly, I can fade into the background and capture one or two or the whole family in a very real and natural way.

Here are some more little techniques to take the focus off the session and put it on the children. These are more ice-breakers…once you have established who they are and they trust you, then you can just go on instinct and have fun.

1. Engage curiosity…depending on the age, I’ll ask them to guess what the prize is that I have for them in my bag. This is a two-fold method…one, it gets them curious about a something they will get and it also serves as a little incentive      to hold it together for the session.
2. Get them moving…Jump, skip, blow bubbles, run around with ribbon, dance. How can anyone dance without smiling? These type of photos yield some of my personal favorites.
3. With older kids I’ll ask them to tell me a joke or say a tongue twister. Or better yet, give their parents a tongue twister.
4. For the silly kids I promise silly photos after the boring ones their parents want.
5. For some of the older boys, it never hurts to employ a little potty humor into the session…the word “fart” has a lot of hysterical power…so use it sparingly.
6. But the best shots…the very best, in my opinion, are the ones where I just let them be who they are, no expectations, no direction, just sit back and watch and click away. But it only happens once they have gained my trust. This is true for all ages. If I am coming across as something I’m not or trying to behave in a way that is unnatural for me, well, that’s what I’ll get…unnatural photos. When I’m genuine and my families trust me, then I get to capture them…genuinely and naturally…completely real. Real is beautiful.

My third regret, which is what has prompted me to write this post, is not doing everything in my power to get a photograph of a mom, my friend and neighbor, with her kids. I had the opportunity. We were on a session in 2010 to photograph her kids. I knew she had been battling cancer. I also knew she was a fighter. I suggested, only once, that maybe she get in a few shots. She wasn’t dressed or prepared…this was just to be of the kids. And although, I didn’t want to, I left it at that. Maybe if I had encouraged her more she would have gotten in one. In 2011 she contacted me wanting family photos…the whole family. She was still in the battle of her life against cancer and time got away from both of us. Again, I wish I had been a little more persistent in making that session happen…still feeling that sense of regret from her kids’ first session. Last month I received this email from her:

Hi Gina!  Long time no talk.  I am hoping that you can help me.  I know that you know that I have been battling ovarian cancer for some time now,  well  I am now under Hospice care and my time here on earth seems to be slipping away.  I would like to take some photos with the kids individually as a sort of remembrance for them to have.  I have a few ideas and would love to chat with you and set up a an appointment to get this done.  If you are available email me or we can chat on the phone.  Peace, Tracy

It never happened. I tried. I called and even stopped over but she was too sick. She passed away last Saturday. I am sure she has a lot of pictures with her kids and a lot of pictures of just her…her smile was radiant. And I know her family doesn’t need those photos to remember her and know how much she loves them. However I sit here with that nagging thought and pit in my stomach that I had the perfect opportunity…camera in my hand…I could have done it…but I didn’t. It humbles me to realize the power of photography. No, we aren’t so important that we are curing cancer but while brilliant minds work on a cure we can at least capture a beautiful moment…make that moment stand still and in a sense we can defy time.

I have always believed in the importance of mothers getting photographed with their kids. I also know plenty of mothers who want those photos too but don’t like having their picture taken, need to lose that last 10 pounds, need to get their hair done, just plain too busy, tired, worn out, overwhelmed, (getting the sense that I am describing myself? I am…I can totally relate). However, our kids think we are the most beautiful women on earth. When your children draw your portrait do they give you eyelashes? Don’t you think they make our eyes look like stars…beautiful stars. They don’t care about our ten extra pounds, or the small wrinkles around our eyes, or if our roots have been filled in. They care about us because we are their moms. So here is my challenge to you. Have your picture taken with your kids. Do it now. Life is too short for regrets.

Picture drawn by my niece Macie of her mom, my sister Katherine. (Those are puffy sleeves…BTW…not bosoms.)

From now until Mother’s Day, May 13th, if you send me your St. Luke’s Mountain States Tumor Institute donation receipt of $50.00 or more, your lifestyle session is on me (dads are allowed…but moms are a must).

Here’s Amy…this is after a week of false labor and being in and out of the hospital. Finally the doctor says “it’s time!” and she is READY! So brave…I was praying I would be too.

Here’s me. I took a self-portrait while I waited outside the surgery room while the doctors and nurses prepped. The doctor had just stopped by, admired my camera and told me he would notify me when just the head is out…”because that would be REALLY cool to photograph!” Ummmmmmm……I wasn’t planning to look over the curtain, I told him, I didn’t know if I would be up to that task and he replied that if I fainted I would be on my own. Note to self…do not faint.

When I went in I sat next to Amy. I could tell she was scared too. This was her second c-section, however the first one was an emergency one that she was completely knocked out for. I just looked at her and admired how brave she was. The anesthesiologist was awesome! He knew how to have a conversation that was upbeat and distracting. All I could think was…”do not faint” and “I thought that curtain would be higher” and “wow, this is pretty cool!!!”

I think Amy looks so beautiful here.

The doctors and nurses confidently at work. I still so admire what they do!

Next thing I know I am instructed to “stand up…here’s the shot!” Yep, head out…very cool…got the shot and decided to just let Amy have that one. This is the next best thing, beautiful baby Avery taking her first breaths of life. Like the other babies I have helped welcome into the world, she holds a special place in my heart.

Perfection!

6 lbs. 11.8 oz. Yeah, that’s what they tell you but it is so cool to see it on the scale…don’t you think?

Amy meets her daughter.

Good ticker…healthy lungs.

Ten toes.

And the official foot print.

The doctor comes by to admire this sweet baby. I am pretty sure he loves his job.

And finally, Amy gets to hold her baby. Thank you Amy! …and Keith, for letting stand in your place….such a tremendous honor!